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post #1 of 1 (permalink) Old 08-07-2014, 07:54 PM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Austin TX
Posts: 17
link test

Link test


Not a link test. Just a draft I can't save on my work computer.

Well, I won a $50,000 scratch off ticket and decided to buy a motorcycle for everyday of the week. Here they are.

Sunday. The Gas Saver. Gotta have one pony in the fleet where on Sunday I can take $10 to the gas station, get a 24 oz beer, a pack of smokes, a hot dog, and fill my gas tank and still have change for a newspaper. The Honda PCX 150 is like a time machine to the Clinton years in that respect. I can have a passenger if no other conveyance is available, but if I just need bacon or coffee, i can flick this scoot down to the corner store without stretching out first to handle a 600+ lb bike.

My daily driver. Wake up for work monday and welcome a new week with a capable commuter that has some offroad abilty to-boot. Fully dress in touring gear without looking weird since this is the only kind of bike that works with, then ride the thing all winter. The KLR 650. It's tall like me and helps me see in traffic. Pulls away from most cars and is overbuilt for most regular roads. If an after work errand (craigslist buy etc) takes me down a dirt road, I'm covered. Also covered in case of Zombie Apocalypse or mid-life crisis overland trip to Rio De Janeiro for Carnival`.

If I wanted to pretend that riding every mile of I-80 is only fulfilling on a motorcycle, might as well have a motorcycle that comes with a toaster. Nevermind that for $5000 I can buy a used Honda Civic, have two extra wheels and a spare, no weather issues, more luggage, more passengers, slightly better gas mileage, save $20,000 so I can actually afford the gas, luggage and time off, less maintenance,,, nah, fuck all that. It's not fun unless you have that feeling of, "If I get a flat tire, I might die on this God forsaken stretch of forgotten highway.." No, not a car,, you need a motorcycle, no matter how rich you are, you have something to prove. Prove it on a Honda Goldwing. Yup... Yup yup... Yup yup yup.

I mean, really, you wanted this thing to be young again right? Have you ever seen young people drive cross country in a Honda Civic? Hell no. 20 somethings ride Honda Goldwings. Therefore if you buy one you'll appear 24 yearsold. Oh Shit, BMW makes a Goldwing too? Now I have to buy that before Tom get's one... You only ever see 20year olds on a BMW motorcycle.

My Wednesday work commute. Its' hump day, so I need a reason to not slit my wrists at my desk. Guy in a Corolla on the phone in front of me who is going to make me miss my jump arrow on the other side of the underpass,, that'll make me late for work! Fuck you! I'm splitting lanes to get around you, I'm doing it so fast you'll drop your phone in your coffee. I figure they use their phones so much because everything in their life is the same and they are trying to escape it all on their magical phone. I mean, would you be in a rush to get to work in a Corolla? Lets look at Work and the Corolla. Both have dismal, unnofensive exteriors with nothing to really see. Both have roofs, windows and AC. Both are full of really boring looking chairs. You can't be drunk in either place without potentially losing everything. Would you be in a rush at one of the places to get to the other? I won't be that guy. I'll be the guy on the KTM Duke 620 showing up to work with a throbbing erection.

On Thursday I'm going to need to pick up groceries after work so I need an Amana refrigerator sized storage space to hold them, its' raining so I need fairings and a windshield to not get soaked, I'm brain dead from the work week so I wake up with a dead phone I forgot to plug in while I was stoned and drunk playing GTA5 wednesday night,, luckily I have a charger for that in my glovebox, and I might need to bungee my laundry basket to the backseat and go clean my clothes, maybe bungee a case of beer right behind that,, and Oh shit! my parts are in at the shop and thats like 30 miles away,, I can put those those in my top case. Crap, I have a report due,, ok, I can put my Ipad on the instrument panel and write it on the straights,, I mean there's no clutch so I don't need boths hands,, Oh, and I'd like to use less than 2 gallons of gasoline to do all of this and have fun the whole time... That's a job for the Burgman 400.

Friday I want to take off to the bar right after work because my mind is totally drained, I have no creative or original thoughts left. I'm just a workaday slombie (slob zombie) who nobody thinks is interesting. I'll just buy whatever Harley I can afford. That way when someone asks what bike I have I can just say 'Harley' since by friday I dont' know anything about motorcycles, or anything else, anyway, I can just chant the brand at them with an expectant grin as if their nodding approval is on the way. That's what Harley's are for. Also, I might need to find a Lawyer to take a case pro bono for me, or perhaps I have the kind of problems that need to be solved through bypassing the legal process and having someone's finger cut off and mailed to whoever else is giving me trouble. Luckily I can find both of the guys I need at the local Harly Dealer where they are both hanging out to support their image. Funny that Sonny Barger himself said he spent his whole 'career' trying to secure the elusive commodity known as 'freedom', yet even he is quoted as saying "Fuck Harley Davidsons..." and that he'd rather ride a Honda ST1100, but he coudln't because he was a Hell's Angel. That would be like your server at TGIFridays not wearing suspenders if Sonny rode a Harley. People would complain... Sonny, why are you on a Honda? Let's go to HR, I think Pam needs to speak to you about this. Even if you plan on blowing up other peoples houses for a living, when it comes to personal freedom like what bike to ride, you might as well be a lawyer. Shit, at least Lawyers can ride Bimmers...Freedom isn't free. It's paid for with hundred dollars bills handed to the repair technicians with your numb, tingly hands.

Saturday I'm going to the track on my Gixxer 600, drinking some can's of montster, dying my tips blonde and having sex with my unemployed non-college bound 19 year old girfriend. This bike fits my 'I can't think more than 3 seconds ahead' lifestyle in the same way as my 3.5 gram-a-day marijuana habit. It's all a blur and then you die. I'll also have fun passing cruisers in the kind of traffic that doesn't call for any illegal passing just to remind them that my vehicle, like theirs, is also skinny enough to sneak past other people on motorcycles,, but, unlike theirs, MINE. IS. FASTER. Therefore, we have nothing in common. Then when I'm stuck 5 feet in front of them behind a dually pickup truck I couldn't sneak past I'll wiggle my ass around and lean it from side to side to celebrate passing him in exactly the same way he could pass me in the same traffic but doesn't, because it doesn't make sense. Unlike the cruiser pilots you see, I'm aware of the true calling of motoryclists. It's about winning. It's about gunning it in a straight line for 30 meters and then panic braking at a stop sign. It's about men dancing their machines around with one another like faggots and I'm ALWAYS the one in front...

Sunday I ain't doing a damn thing on any motorcycle. I ain't even leaving the house. You see, my PCX150 wasnt' fast enough to outrun a stray dog and I'm nursing a bit ankle and taking rabies meds. I fell off my KLR650 trying to ride single track like it was a real dirtbike and I broke a rib. I don't know what my friends are up to because I dropped my phone in traffic while texting and riding that clutchless complacency creator, the Burgman 400. If only I'd used my other hand to brake I could have dropped my Frappucino instead... Im sitting around watching defensive driving videos to get 8 tickets dismissed that I got riding my Duke from work to Starbucks and back on a 15 minute break. I don't ride the Harley because my attorney has a lien on it, so I tell him I dont' ride it to keep the resale value up,, but really it was taken by the Bandido's to pay for some,, uh, dry goods I purchased from them. That and it doesn't run. But the Bandidos just like sitting on it anyway. And lastly I wrecked my Gixxer trying to keep up with an VTX 1800. Turns out that even with lower compression and a smoother power band, it's still like three of my engines on one bike. Who knew? I thought they called it an 1800 because that's the year it was built. Since I'm going to lose a lot of work while healing up I decided to go ahead and sell the Goldwing so I can buy a car, have money to cover the next 10 months of living expenses and pay tuition for some community college classes.
slunkmonky is offline  
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