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Discussion Starter #1
A set of jumper cables walks into a bar.
The bartender says "don't try to start anything".


A sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve food".

A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says "why the long face?".

A guy decides to go see a psychiatrist. But befor he goes, he strips naked and wraps himself in saran wrap. The psychiatrist takes one look at him and says "I know why you're here". The guy says "oh yeah, how's that?" The psychiatrist says "I can clearly see you're nuts".:D:):p
 

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OK someone's gotta find the line in the sand so it might as well be me. Here goes.
Whats the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
 

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Three couples go to join a church. The pastor of the church tells them that to join the church they just abstain from sex for three weeks. Three weeks later they all return to the church and the pastor asks them how they did.

The first couple reported that since they had been married for so long, it was not an issue from them and they completed their assignment. They were welcomed to the church.

The second couple reported that is was more difficult, and the husband had to sleep on the couch a few nights, but they too completed their assignment. They were welcomed to the church.

When the last couple was asked how they did the husband responded: "Well we decided to paint the living room to take our minds off it. Linda went up the ladder to get some paint and she when came down in front of me, I could not help myself and I took her right there."

The pastor responded: "Well son, I am sorry to say that after that you will not be allowed in the church."

The husband says "Yea, well after that, we are not allowed in the Home Depot anymore either." :eek:
 

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Freudian slip sent on a postcard from a husband to his wife while away on a trip:

"Having a wonderful time here, wish you were her."
 

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A husband and wide are talking one night, and the wife asks the husband: "If I died, would you ever re-marry? The husband replies "Well I am still young, I would probably re-marry".

The wife asks "If you remarried, would you let her live in this house?. The husband says "Well the house is almost paid for, yes I would let her live in this house."

The wife says "Would you let her wear any of my clothes?" The huband says, "Well you have a closet full of clothes and they are very nice, so I supposed if she liked them I would let her wear your clothes."

The wife says "Would you let her drive my sports car? The huband says "No, absolutley not."

The wife says "I don't understand, If I died and you remarried, you would let her live in my house, and wear my clothes but you wouldn't let her drive my sports car? Why not?

The husband replies "Because she can't drive a straight stick"
 

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Discussion Starter #11
What's the last thing that goes through a bugs head as it hits your windshield?













It's ass.:eek:
 

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Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking crack.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday."

On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."

"Seventeen people? That's wonderful How did you do it? "

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o. Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"

"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says. "I drew two circles like this: o O. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your asshole before prison."
 

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Discussion Starter #16
All Girl Biker Bar

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'


The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.


In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
 

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Its a nice sunny day and two female lettuce's are sunbathing on the beach.

The a big stud male lettuce strides across in front of them.

One female lettuce says to the other female lettuce, "Gee, did you see the slug on him".
 

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Two eggs decide to get married.

After the ceremony the new husband and wife egg go to the honeymoon suite.

The girl egg puts on a sexy nighty and lays on the bed.

The boy egg whips out a crash helmet and starts putting it on.

"Why are you wearing a crash helmet", said the girl egg.

The boy egg replies, "Cause everytime I start to go hard some bastard tries to crack me over the head with a spoon".
 
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